I am still alive.

Hello...? Is anyone still there? Oh who gives two shits about subtlety, Internet, Saiyan L is back.

I could lie, as I am prone to doing, but for once I won't. During my extended absence, I was unable to achieve enlightenment and now I spend my days staring contemptuously at the masses. Psh, as if you need enlightenment to do that right? ... Okay, so I ended up being only 14% truthful.
I may not have actually had any life changing revelations BUT what I can say is that I have added two new skills to my repertoire. Along with pro toilet unclogging, I am now an expert champagne bottle opener and master of pimp slapping bottle caps off. Twistable bottle caps be damned, you WILL be smacked open!

Ah, Internet, it is truly nostalgic starting to blog again. I have missed my blog/lovechild dearly. I can offer you a pretty colorful story about my absence.  Surprisingly, it didn't involve my ear's addiction to alcohol and questionable drugs. No, Internet, this time it was Twitter. That website is what I like to think of as a indecisive black hole. Initially you are both standing there staring at each others digitized eyes, but then just when you think you're bored with it, the black hole goes mmkay, I've decided to keep you as my prison betch! Next thing you know, you cannot escape, you can only cry at all the wasted hours of your life where you could have been writing that dissertation. Or winning the Nobel peace prize. Preferably both.

Also College probably had something to do with my absence. Despite the fact that I'm graduating in... 6 weeks (!?!) I have a pretty annoying work load thanks to the Experimental Physiology lab I'm taking. Let it be known that this class is NOT as cool as it sounds. In fact it is the bane of my existence. I have been forced to spend too many hours of my life with crayfish. Now, I've never had problems with crayfish before. They are to lobsters what Shetland ponies are to purebred Stallions: small, relatively harmless and apparently loved by little girls everywhere.

See? Pictured above is darling photogenic little crayfish L. He just wants to live an honest life free of substances and live as Jesus dictated. Cute right? Do not be deceived. Crayfish are vicious. Normally their acts of aggression are pretty ignorable in the same way an ant trying to be threatening is ignorable... except ignoring the crayfish wasn't exactly an option. Every time I had to pick up those fuckers lovable creatures of God, they would rear up with their pincers raised at 90 degree angles to their bodies ready to fight crime and the forces of evil, also known as my fingers.

Long story short, crayfish are now on my shit list of things that must be destroyed right behind the inappropriately orange Elmer Holmes Bobst Library. Fuu. Deep breath. In conclusion, I have returned.