Back To Work But First...

Internet, I have been awful at keeping my blog lovechild updated with all of my escapades and doings in the world and for that I sincerely apologize. Put simply, the wrap up to this semester at NYU was like trying to clamber up an angry seizing rhinoceros's back and then standing on one leg while wearing a stiletto heel. I was tired, addicted to caffeine, and then severely lacking on sleep. About a week after the semester has officially ended, I am all better now! I've kicked the caffeine addiction just in time for 2010, I am well rested and ready to kick some verbal ass! Caffeine withdrawal, by the way, gives you these really bitching headaches kinda like how it would feel if people were stamping on your brain like they do for grapes when making wine only much less fun sounding. Take home message? Don't do drugs kids!

So... Where to begin with my slew of updates? Well I suppose, I should start with a clarification. As I never really concluded my suburbia segment, I should really start by mentioning the fact that between my last update and this current one, I had returned to NYC where I had absolutely no fun whatsoever. I was completely tethered down to work namely, 2 papers, 1 midterm and 3 finals over the span of 3 weeks. To those of you who are confused by the fact that I had a midterm during the final week of school, know that I was also equally confused but had no way to reason with my arch-nemesis Fake Jesus. Not to be confused with Raptress Jesus. There is much to be said about my long drawn out battle with Fake Jesus and our historical fight, "Saiyan L & The 1632 Battle of Logicians" will probably need an entire blog devoted to its full re-telling.

But anyway, I digress. My list of crap to do when I got back to college was exhaustive. Hence the lack of updates which I am once again, apologetic about. But anyway, I'm now done with a rather heinous semester and am back at home in suburbia land. I've learned from my past idiocies and I will be preferentially taking planes home to Not New York until they make teleportation devices commercially available. Maybe I'll even get to see the world's first genetically engineered flying pig.

I shall name it Squishee and he shall be mine!!

Internet, it is freezing in suburbia land. We have about two feet of snow and if I open the door, I can feel icicles forming on my extremities. Even though I may sound like I'm complaining, I'm not really. I say this fondly because the feeling of freezing to death outside is a bit nostalgic. Being home is indeed a good thing.

Especially because I've forgotten how much fun it is to hang around my dear mother. Yes. Fun. You did just read that correctly. Now I'm definitely not best friends with my mother, so its not fun in that sense. It's fun to hang out with her because it is just incredibly entertaining to put her into situations where she is forced to talk about sex. I know this sounds weird because no one likes the sex talk with their parents but...let me explain. She NEVER gave me the sex talk. Her version of it was, "ABSTINENCE" and then she shoved her fingers into her ears and went "LA LA LA" very loudly. This woman just does not want to talk about sex. I swear, if I wasn't old and a Biology major, her answer to the question "Where do Babies come from?" would be something like, "Well....you see, babies come when two people fall in love and..magic. OH LOOK THERE ARE DEER OUTSIDE. I WONDER WHAT THEY ARE EATING. LOUDLY DO I WONDER ABOUT IT."  None of this, by the way is an exaggeration.

Recently, I had the pleasure of putting her into one of those delightful situations. We were in the car, and the radio was on. I believe it was some loud electric guitar concoction and my mother said, "Kids have horrible taste in music these days." I asked her about her preferred taste in music and she said she liked listening to Korean ballads. Personally I don't really like listening to ballads of the Korean variety because all of the songs sound exactly the same but I politely nodded and asked if she liked one of the recent-ish ballad, "Like I got shot by a Gun" by Baek Ji Young. No! She said. Something about the graphic imagery made her feel uncomfortable. (Come to think of it, this may explain why she refuses to talk about sex. SHE HAS A DIRTY MIND.) She then continued, "Baek Ji Young also had that major scandal...." before she trailed off into silence.

Internet, this immediately rang several happy bells in my head as, for those of you that don't know, Baek Ji Young's scandal involved a sextape. I HAD to know what my dear mother would have to say about this. "What scandal?" I asked her innocently. An odd look flashed across my mother's face before she said, "Well it's only a rumor, there's no point in talking about rumors right?" My mother wasn't going to get off that easily so I persisted. "Well just tell me what the rumor is then. What does it involve?" She hesitated and then said...."Well...there were...photographs taken of her and her...boyfriend." Internet, unless you were living on a planet where being with a boyfriend was illegal then I don't know how this could even begin to sound scandalous. Evidently my mother had the same thought because she quickly changed her statement to "her and her boyfriends." All I can say is wow.