Why were you given your particular name?
Well when mommy and daddy met....Oh wait! There's an entire blogpost devoted to this here.
What is your favorite thing to do?
Thinking of creative ways to waste my time such as creating blueprints for unbuildable buildings and making plans to launch a new perfume line that smells so foul it repels everybody who smells it within a 25 meter radius. This perfume will be guaranteed to find your soul mate. After all, who else could possibly tolerate the smell!? Eau de Soul Mate Finder! IT SHALL SUCCEED IMMENSELY.
What is your favorite food?
Anything and everything that is candy. My brain is a hungry hungry bastard.
What is your favorite book?
Anything that involves the life stories of cruel and unusual tyrants and dictators. Also possibly Machiavelli's "The Prince." I am inspired by those individuals when I exercise my firm iron control over my internal organs.
What is your favorite candy bar?
There is no such thing as candy bar prejudice. Candy makes the world go round!
What is your favorite cookie?
Black and White cookies. They are vaguely cake-like and also have tons of tooth friendly icing on them.
What is your favorite sport?
Spoon lifting. I am a 3 time Olympic Gold Medal Recipient. Here I am below practicing.
What is your favorite kind of music?
A combination of electropop and rock music. Basically anything that will cause me to go deaf by the time I reach the tender age of 23.
What is your favorite song?
The sweet sweet sound of the Asian voice in my brain screaming at me to do my homework dwindling down in a perfect decrescendo. Or Lady Gaga's Bad Romance. Whichever is on first.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
A Crayola color namer. Think of the possibilities! Blister Pink! Gross Drosophila Eye Maroon! Infected Pus Green! NYC Subway Rat Pelt Brown!
How many kids do you want when you get married?
HAHAHA Married. Right. We'll see who gets married. Hint: It will not be me.
What is your favorite temple?
Who the hell asks this kind of question in the 21st century? I'm going to pretend this stupid question was never asked.
What place would you like to visit?
Santa's workshop. Or Narnia. Or Hogwarts. All of those choices sound excellent.
What is your favorite thing about your mom?
My favorite thing about Raptress Jesus is that we never argued. She snarled and I hid under the table.
What is your favorite thing about your dad?
Same logic goes for my father too. I disagreed, he fired rounds into the wall next to my face. I stopped arguing.
What is your favorite thing about yourself?
Where should I even begin?! I love well pretty much everything about myself.
Do you like to sing?
LOUDLY.
Do you like to dance?
If dancing involves flailing my arms and spazzing around like an Anime character on crack then absolutely. Even better if I flail too hard and poke someone in the eye. I am particularly skilled at Carameldansen and Hare Hare Yukai.
What musical instruments can you play?
Bah. Musical instruments exist to make me feel small and untalented.
What is your favorite type of art?
Not modern art. It makes absolutely no fucking sense and yet everyone praises it. The only viable explanation is that everyone in the world got some sort of brain implant that tricks them into thinking that Jackson Pollock's paintcrap actually looks like a Renoir. Clearly my parents didn't love me enough to save me from the torture.
Have you ever seen a broadway musical? Do you like theater?
Yes and I realized that there is a theme common to every single show. The main character has some sort of angsty problem and through the power of singing, dancing and costume changing, ALL of their problems miraculously disappear. Actually I think I kind of like that take home message.
Do you like building things?
Oh god no. Building things takes time and concentration. I prefer doing things that can be finished the night before its due.
What would you like to learn about cars?
I would like to know if there is a correlation between expensiveness of cars and amount of overcompensation. My inclination is yes.
What would you like to teach others about?
I don't know that I would be a good teacher. I think I would lose patience and then proceed to terrify my students and make them all my slaves.
What are three adjectives which describe you?
Insane? Hilarious? Descriptive? Or maybe 3 words just doesn't quite cover my rather....interesting personality.
How would your friend describe you to someone who has never seen you?
Good question. Internet, let me know in a comment or something.
What do you want to be doing in five years?
I wanted to be a grasper of the future and hopefully my future will have been grasped.
What do you want to be doing in ten years?
Blogging full time and polluting the minds of young children with my psychobabble.
What are your favorite subjects in school?
Anything that fed my vacuum cleaner like curiosity, mostly dust and spiderwebs.
When you have an hour of free time, what do you like to do?
Absolutely nothing. I like the crazy shit that goes on in my head.
What is your favorite movie?
Don't really have one. I enjoy movies but don't really have a favorite. I did see Avatar recently and I fervently hope that there will be no intergalactic smurf smut.
What is the strangest thing you ever did?
Oh its called something along the lines of attending NYU, becoming a Biology major and then losing my sanity in the process. Oh wait that was just a nightmare.
What is the strangest food you ever ate?
Crocodile. From what I remember it tasted like a weird chicken. Like chicken only porkier. But recently I ate a bizarre chocolate pudding masquerading as a giant shiny turd with banana slices on top.
Yes, those dots you see in the picture are not artifacts of poor picture taking technique. Those are flakes of glitter that were placed strategically to either stimulate the appetite or to blind the consumer. Internet, I just want to know... Is there a demographic of people that I just haven't encountered yet that secretly enjoy having shiny poo in the morning?
Yes, those dots you see in the picture are not artifacts of poor picture taking technique. Those are flakes of glitter that were placed strategically to either stimulate the appetite or to blind the consumer. Internet, I just want to know... Is there a demographic of people that I just haven't encountered yet that secretly enjoy having shiny poo in the morning?
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