Bah. Sleep. Who needs it anyway right? Internet, this week marks a new low for me. I already get barely enough acceptable amounts of sleep as it is but this week may just take the cake with a calculated average of 3 hours of sleep a night for the past 4 days. By the way, what the hell does the phrase 'take the cake' actually mean anyway? I mean, who is taking all the delicious cake and more importantly why is that person not me? What is this injustice?! I would like to suggest that in the future, if anyone wants to use delicious cake to prove a point, I will be the designated taker. My stomach will gladly take it off your hands. As a hint, I really like strawberries and cheesecake. Mmmmm.....
That picture is a outstanding representation of how energetic I feel right now. Every cell in my body, is screaming TAURINECOCAINECAFFEINE!! Especially the dark circles. They're screaming the loudest. They must have cell megaphones or something.
By the way, while I am sharing with all of you, the hidden joys of sleep deprivation, my brain is jabbing me furiously in the pain cortex. It wishes to express its sincere displeasure. But you know what? I am cool with my brain doing that. I am all for bodily democracy because I believe in organ autonomy and organ rights. However, I wish my brain would at least initiate polite conversation instead of making my right knee cap feel like someone is slow roasting it in a concoction of 14M hydrochloric acid, 98% alcohol, zinc over a solid state palladium catalyst and Brisk lemon tea. Admittedly, I am not a diplomat and my idea of diplomacy is "stop bitching and call me in the morning anytime after 2pm" but when someone says something you don't approve of, shouldn't you at least talk it out first? Compromise over some English tea and biscuits? Well apparently, my brain forgot that lesson and decided to go straight for a pre-emptive strike on my by-standing knee cap. I think my brain graduated from diplomacy school alongside its colleagues Stalin, Mr. Burns, Kim Jong Il and Kanye West.
That picture is a outstanding representation of how energetic I feel right now. Every cell in my body, is screaming TAURINECOCAINECAFFEINE!! Especially the dark circles. They're screaming the loudest. They must have cell megaphones or something.
By the way, while I am sharing with all of you, the hidden joys of sleep deprivation, my brain is jabbing me furiously in the pain cortex. It wishes to express its sincere displeasure. But you know what? I am cool with my brain doing that. I am all for bodily democracy because I believe in organ autonomy and organ rights. However, I wish my brain would at least initiate polite conversation instead of making my right knee cap feel like someone is slow roasting it in a concoction of 14M hydrochloric acid, 98% alcohol, zinc over a solid state palladium catalyst and Brisk lemon tea. Admittedly, I am not a diplomat and my idea of diplomacy is "stop bitching and call me in the morning anytime after 2pm" but when someone says something you don't approve of, shouldn't you at least talk it out first? Compromise over some English tea and biscuits? Well apparently, my brain forgot that lesson and decided to go straight for a pre-emptive strike on my by-standing knee cap. I think my brain graduated from diplomacy school alongside its colleagues Stalin, Mr. Burns, Kim Jong Il and Kanye West.
But I do have to admit that for my complaining about my brain's complaining, it's not entirely wrong.
I googled all the side effects of not sleeping and have compiled a list of symptoms which I have listed here for your viewing pleasure and or educational benefit. At the top of the list: Tiredness due to increasing sleep debt. You know how literary folk often write flowery sentences like,"the graceful placement of her favorite fresh cut daffodils on the linen tablecloth calmed the resentment disrupting her mind and replaced it with feelings of quiet joy" when they really mean, "There are flowers on the table. Girl decides to quit her bitching"? The statement "tiredness due to increasing sleep debt" is a scientist's way of saying, "you are sleepy when you have not slept." Can I just say...best discovery EVER? Other obvious symptoms include constant yawning and declining ability to concentrate or focus. I think this list is pretty accurate but the good science folk missed a few key symptoms.
For instance, the most common side effect is a sudden inexplicable dislike of all things cute and perky. This includes baby pandas and baby carrots because they are evil. You may also experience an irrational fear of the muffin man. But most significantly in the extreme cases of sleep deprivation, you come to realize that it is perfectly okay if you never find true love because your soul mate and personal Disney have been combined into one irrationally beautiful mattress, comforter and pillow set.
<3 I LOVE YOU <3 *insert high pitched fangirl squeal*
Anyway, despite all these shenanigans, I have to say that I am amazingly functional with little sleep and my days and nights have actually been reversed. This made me realize something. On top of being a secret Saiyan as well as a cake eating detective, I must also be a secret vampire. Not one of those Stephenie Meyer monstrosities that sparkle in the light like a drag queen's tacky sequin dress. I mean, the badass ones that die when you stick a stake through their hearts. Just like everything else. But don't assume I dislike everything about Twilight (only about 99% of it). There is one part of the Twilight verse that I like because according to Meyers, my eyes are not dark because I am Asian. So screw Mendel and his pea plants, MY eyes are dark because I am a starving vampire. RAWR.
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