Announcement!

Internet, I have an announcement to make. As usual, this year I will be leaving New York City so I can spend this Thanksgiving with the wonderful people who made my existence possible. I am of course talking about my father, Meta-Lincoln, and mother, Raptress Jesus.

Let me tell you, growing up with these two as parents was not an easy feat. I will however say, we never had arguments at home. Ever. I mean seriously, have you seen my father's mecha arm!? You disagree with the man and then all of a sudden there is a smoking hole in the wall an inch from where your face is. That kills your desire to argue faster than the time it takes for....I don't know... the stench of Abercrombie to reach your nose before you can even see the damn store. For those who are fortunate enough to not know what I am talking about....there is a new Hollister that opened fairly recently on Broadway. I swear, you can smell that place a block away because it is the one place in NYC that doesn't smell like cancer and urine of dubious origin. That arm is probably why I was such an awkward unsocialized child in high school. Seriously, try asking your friends to hang out at your house when your dad can blow off their knee caps for not bowing at the proper Confucian angle of inclination! Daddy taught me proper Asian manners....and by proper I mean proper for life in the Han Dynasty.
 
I am told that ordinarily when your dad is being unreasonable with you, most people go complain to their mothers, and say something in a super nasally voice like, "Mom.. Daddy's being unfair~" (aka. "WOMAN! KEEP YOUR MAN UNDER CONTROL!") I, however, never grew up with that luxury as my own raptress mother would snarl and snap incoherently at me. If you've never had a raptor threaten you, let me tell you it is a terrifying experience. Plus they have weird breath that no amount of floss, Listerine or Clorox will remove. Come to think of it though, living in constant fear as a child is probably why when I got to college my amygdala was like, "BWAHAHA FREEDOM!" thus dooming my sense of self preservation forever.

I am also of course, for the most part joking about my parents.(Prizes for whoever figures out which parts are true!!) I was raised by two extremely normal people and I'm sure being that they are normal, neither of them would take it as a compliment to have an entire blog post about them floating around the interwebs. Especially if that blog post happened to be written by Saiyan L. Maybe one day though, haha.

ANYWAY, my parents aside, I wanted to announce my mini blog series on life away from the city, away from college and the civilized world. I present to you: Suburbia!...(without a car). In other words, house arrest. Happy holidays to all!