Suburbia! (without a car): The Holiday Installment

Dear American Internet, let me just say this:  Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you all ate mountains of food and passed out immediately afterwards due to a massive food coma. As my white great uncle said to me while helping himself to a large serving of lard (gravy), calories do not exist on thanksgiving. (yes, you read that right. white grand uncle.)

It was great eating home cooked food and red meat. Yes, red meat not turkey meat. Personally I don't like turkey and neither does anyone else in my family. Yes, turkey is an American tradition but does tradition have to taste so awfully bland and dry? That by the way was a rhetorical question. In any event, we decided we were going to be mavericks and eat roast beef instead. And let me tell you all, it was dericious. I will probably post pictures of this at some point in the future and write more on the topic but for now I need to return to bed. Food coma and early Black Friday shopping calls....

**Updates!! (As promised by my slacker self)

I guess I should say a few words about my actual thanksgiving dinner. This year, we actually had relatives come over. This may sound a little strange to the people who have friends and family over every thanksgiving. This is actually strange for my family partially because we live in the middle of nowhere of Not New York, NY where it snows until the end of April and a good time means driving in a car and admiring everyone else's Christmas decorations. I wish I was not kidding. Alright, I am exaggerating ever so slightly but the ratio of seriousness to kidding around borders on almost alarming. Anyway, so this year my great aunt and great uncle came over for thanksgiving and they brought with them.......

DOG!!! I love this dog. He is ridiculously well behaved and just like me will do all sorts of things for food especially if it is red meat. Just as long as it doesn't involve actually obeying any commands. His usual tactic is to follow you around if you are holding food and STARE YOU INTO SUBMISSION. You WILL give him the meat and he will certainly not sit for it. You will also leave thinking that he is a good boy. He is that good at manipulating the human mind.

This was our thanksgiving turkey cleverly disguised as a large hunk of roast beef prior to sticking it into the oven. I guess you can also see parts of my lovely kitchen stove. Let me tell you, that is a rare privilege. It usually runs away the second someone approaches with a camera.

AHEM. Internet, bear witness to the first appearance of an incredibly shady character. INTERNET SAY HELLO TO MY SISTER'S ARM AND TORSO. Talking about her will require a separate new blog post where all her infinite wisdom shall be shared undiluted by my own comparatively witless commentary.  This was our "turkey" coming out of the oven after being roasted in a fiery pit of flames for several hours. It is difficult to see this but the roast beef is actually sitting on top of a dish with a picture of a turkey on it. Blasphemy never tasted so good! Now although the picture hints at this, I have to mention that my thanksgiving dinner was schizophrenic. Half the dishes were American and the other half were Asian. Internet, although my taste cortex was overwhelmingly ecstatic with all the delicious food, my brain was confused because I'd be eating gravy one minute and then kimchee the next. All throughout dinner, it was screaming STOP THE CULTURAL KALEIDOSCOPE OR I SHALL FORCE YOU TO CONVULSE TO THE BEAT OF THRILLER ON YOUR FLOOR. I ignored that warning. The dog thought I was playing a game.

In all seriousness though, my mother cooks amazingly well and outclasses me in every basic cookery technique. Except for one. Like any true college student, I have mastered the art of boiling water to perfection and exploiting its many usages that range from making instant ramen to unclogging clogged toilets.